


Fireflies

by MidnightOilDiary



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Illustrations, Original Character(s), Tearjerker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightOilDiary/pseuds/MidnightOilDiary
Summary: Life in Skyrim is tough, even for the wealthy and powerful.  For Skyrim's lowliest, the orphans, the outlook is grim indeed.  Young Jot considers himself luckier than most; at least he knows where his next meal is coming from.  But when he meets Miki the In-Between Elf, he begins to wonder if there's more to life than seeing the next sunrise.Duty.  Devotion.  But above all, love.Fireflies
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Remembering

I’m told there’s a land down south where it’s always warm and it never snows. There, they say, you can sleep right down by the ocean, and if you’re hungry, all you have to do is pick fruit from the nearest tree. A fellow could go down there and forget he ever had any troubles. It sounds like a nice place, if it’s real.

Maybe one day I’ll try to find it, but not now. While there are lots of things about my life I don’t want to remember, there are some things I don’t ever want to forget.

I would like to forget how I became an orphan, but I don’t want to forget the family I lost.

I would like to forget how I nearly starved my first winter alone, but I don’t want to forget the man who taught me how to survive.

I would like to forget the war, the dragon that burned Helgen, the Imperials, the Stormcloaks, and all that went with them. But I don’t want to forget how it felt when it all ended.

I don’t want to forget Miki.

**A Few Years Ago…**

* * *

I had just arrived in Falkreath. I was working as a messenger. I carried documents back and forth between Falkreath and Whiterun, with stops in Riverwood and the garrison at Helgen, which was being rebuilt after the dragon attack. It wasn’t a great living, but better than begging in the streets, or starving. After I dropped the official messages at the guardhouse, I set out toward Dead Man’s Drink to deliver what was left. Inside, I saw the owner, Fru Vinicia, working behind the bar. I asked her about the burned farmstead I passed east of town.

“The Olafson place? You don’t know?” she said. “Oh, but you weren’t here, were you, Jot?”

“I guess I missed something,” I admitted.

“It happened only a few nights ago,” Fru Vinicia confided. “This creature, she looks just like a young woman, they caught her lurking around the farmstead in the middle of the night. They say when they tried to grab her, she set the place ablaze using only her hands!”

I know how stories can grow, and sometimes it’s fun to hear them do that. But I had been on the road for many months and had never seen anything like that. “Fru Vinicia,” I asked, “who’s this ‘they’ you’re talking about?”

“Me, for one!” said a voice behind me. I turned, and only just recognized Bruno, one of the town guards, without his armor. He was sitting alone at one of the tables pushed against the wall to my left. “It’s true. Look what she did to me!” He pulled his tunic down over his left shoulder to reveal a large square bandage fastened to his upper chest. “Me and Filip was doing night patrol east of town when we heard the Olafsons screaming ‘Thief! Thief!’ When we got there, we saw the little sneak trying to run ‘round back of the house, so Filip and I went around each side to trap her. When I grabbed her, she put one hand on my chain mail, and next thing I knew, I was rolling on the ground in pain, and the whole place was up in flames!”

I exaggerated my grimace to give Bruno the sympathy he probably craved, but the wound did look painful. “Then what happened?”

“She vanished. Escaped into the night!” said Bruno. “Filip and I staggered back to the guardhouse. The captain saw how I got burned and told me to rest for a couple days, so that’s why I’m here. I think the Olafsons went to Whiterun. Fru Olafson has a sister there.”

“So, she got away, then,” I said.

“Got away clean! Listen, boy, you’d better keep your eyes open. She’s a demon, and she’s still out there, somewhere, and believe you me, you don’t want to find her!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be careful,” I said, and turned back to Fru Vinicia, who looked a bit amused by Bruno’s story.

She leaned over the bar to speak in confidence. “Young man,” she said, “I don’t know how much of Bruno’s story is true, but he’s not the type who’s easily scared. Something got to him alright, so I hope you watch yourself on the way back to Whiterun tomorrow.”

“I’ve always watched myself, Fru Vinicia. I don’t plan on letting my guard down now.”

“See that you don’t. Will you be picking up letters here tomorrow?” I nodded. “Good,” she said, “I’ll have some rolls waiting for you.”

I thought about what Bruno and Fru Vinicia told me as I settled down in the guardhouse that night. I was pretty familiar with most of the creatures in the landscape I roamed through: wolves, foxes, the occasional bandit. If you paid attention, most of them could be avoided. I knew there were some unworldly things out there, too. I’ve actually seen skeletons walking, and that’s a scary thing to see! But they seem to be tied to specific places like ancient tombs, so if you steered clear of those places, you were safe.

But a demon woman? That was new. And while I wasn’t too worried, I made sure my hunting knife was good and sharp before I went to sleep.

Although it was a beautiful day for traveling, my vague sense of caution continued the next morning as I set out east, back to Whiterun. My water skin was full, and I carried outgoing messages, rolls, and fruit in my shoulder bag. My knife was tucked into the belt of my tunic for easy access, and my cape was pushed back from my shoulders to keep my arms free. Shortly after passing through Falkreath’s east gate, I again looked at the burned farmstead on my left. The house faced the road. It looked like the fire started from the right side, as the damage to the wooden walls was heaviest there. The thatch roof, of course, was completely gone. What I could see of the barn in back was damaged, but possibly still usable. I was glad the Olafsons were able to escape, but I found myself wondering what kind of creature could have done that kind of damage. Nothing I’d ever seen, that’s for sure.

After that, the little voice telling me to be careful became more urgent. As the morning went on, I began to understand why. I was being tracked! It wasn’t anything obvious at first, just a feeling that something was a little off: movement in the corner of my eye, silence when I should be hearing sounds, a rabbit running from something I couldn’t identify. After a few minutes, I caught a glimpse of my pursuer. A small person, lightly built, an elf maybe. A bandit wasn’t likely, since bandits prefer ambush to pursuit. In any case, I didn’t like having an unknown person following me, so I needed to figure out how to shake the person off.

If you’ve ever been around Falkreath, you’ll remember there’s an abandoned wooden gateway about three hours east of town. I’m told it once marked the border between Whiterun and Falkreath holds, and for a long time bandits used it to extract money from passing travelers. By the time I started working as a messenger, the bandits were mostly chased off, and only a fool would step on the rotting wooden walkway spanning the gate. But the gateway was built in a narrow part of the road with steep rocky faces on either side, making it an ideal place to hide and wait. I was able to scramble up behind some rocks to my right, a short distance before the gate. Slowly, I worked my way up to a vantage point near the walkway. From there, I could see my pursuer cautiously stepping out into the road, and I finally got a good look. It was a young girl, maybe my age, or a little younger.

What was she doing out there? She didn’t look dangerous. In fact, she looked a little scared. I thought if she meant to rob me, I could set her straight right away, but if she was lost, maybe I could point her back in the right direction. I crept down to the other side of the gateway, thinking I could sneak up on her without being seen. She must have heard me up there, because she was looking up to where I’d been hiding. I was maybe ten steps from her when she turned to face me. She was a little shorter than me, with dirty brown hair, a ragged gray-green dress, and a cape pulled over her shoulders. Her face was twisted into a threatening glower, and in her right hand she held a bundle of twigs. “Don’t you come nearer!” she hissed, as the twigs burst into flame in her hand.

_The Demon Woman!_

**An In-Between Elf**

* * *

“Stay back!” the girl snarled. She tried her best to look vicious, but she hadn’t practiced enough to be convincing. In fact, she looked a little comical. But the handful of burning twigs held my attention. How did she do that?

“I won’t hurt you,” I said, and backed away a step or two. She stayed where she was, staring at me. The fire in her hand continued to burn, though it didn’t appear to hurt her at all. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” I repeated. “I just want to know who you are and why you were tracking me.”

Her scowl softened. “I was hungry,” she said.

“So you were going to steal my food?” I asked. The girl nodded. She kept her wary stance, but I could tell the wind was going out of her sails. The flames in her hand burned down, leaving her with a fistful of ash. “When’s the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday,” the girl said. “Maybe the day before.”

I reached into my bag, and she flinched. “Don’t worry,” I said calmly. I pulled out an apple and a roll. “Here,” I said. “They’re yours if you want them, but you have to explain yourself.” The girl took a few hesitant steps toward me, and I did the same. Gently, I placed the apple and roll into her hands. She didn’t just snatch them away from me, but took them slowly, trying not to look too ravenous. Her actions told me she wasn’t a wild child; she still had some manners.

“Thank you,” she said simply. She seemed a little out of breath, which I put down to hunger and the effort to track me.

“Let’s sit,” I said, motioning her to the side of the road. I sat down next to her. In the morning sunlight, I finally noticed her ears. “You’re an elf!” I said, “But you’re not like the elves I’ve seen.”

The girl was making short work of the apple, but she managed to swallow before responding. “What elves have you seen?”

“High elves, mostly,” I said. “Like the Thalmor, though I haven’t seen that many lately. But you don’t seem like a high elf. You don’t –”

She cut me off. “Walk around looking down at everybody? Well, you’re right, I’m not a high elf,” she said. “I’m not a dark elf or a wood elf either.” As small as she was, that much seemed obvious, though I didn’t mention it. “I guess you could call me an ‘In-Between Elf,’” she announced.

She’d devoured the apple and was well into the roll when I passed her my water skin. She took a long drink. “An In-Between Elf called what?” I asked.

“An In-Between Elf called Miki,” she said. “And you’re a Nord boy named –”

“Jot,” I said. “You can call me Jot.”

We shook hands. I was a little surprised to find her hand wasn’t any warmer than mine was, given that she was holding a handful of fire only moments before. “I’ve never heard of anyone named Jot before,” she said. “is that really your name?”

“No,” I admitted. “It’s not. I don’t exactly proclaim my name to the world.”

“But why not?”

“As they say, it’s a long story,” I said. “Now, why is an In-Between Elf running around by herself, burning down farmsteads?”

Miki looked shocked. “I never burned down anyone’s home!” she exclaimed, deeply offended. “That wasn’t my fault. One of those guards was carrying a torch. He probably set the thatch on fire himself, out of clumsiness.”

Her explanation didn’t seem that far-fetched, really. “But what were you doing sneaking around the farmstead in the first place?” I asked.

“I was scrounging,” she said softly. “I was looking for something to eat. I crept around the house until I found a barrel. Then I tripped, knocked the barrel over, and I guess I woke up everyone in the house. It’s just my luck the guards happened to be passing by at that moment. When one of them grabbed me, I pushed away from him, and then, well, I just –”

“Burned him?” I said.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him, but when I get scared, sometimes I’ll do it without thinking.”

What exactly she was doing, I still wanted to learn. “You know, I believe you,” I said. “But what you did,” I said, imitating her hand movements, “is that something all In-Between Elves can do?”

“Some of us can,” she said, “but not all. It’s not a great magical power we have. I can’t make flames fan out from my hands or anything like that, but I can make small fires, heat things up, that sort of thing.”

“But what’s an In-Between Elf with a modest magic power doing out here in the first place?”

Miki took her time answering. “I guess you could say I have a promise to keep.” She hesitated. “Maybe I’m looking for some help. I have to get to Riften.”

“That’s really far!” I said. “Why do you have to go all the way out there?”

She patted a leather pouch attached to her belt. “I’m to deliver this letter,” she said. “No matter what, I have to get this letter to the priestess at the Chapel of Mara in Riften.”

“And who, exactly, did you have in mind to help you?”

Miki just looked at me. “I don’t know,” she said simply, though I was pretty sure she did know.

“Just a few minutes ago, you were out to steal my food,” I said. “And now you’re asking for me help?”

“I’m sorry! I was so hungry –”

I cut Miki off. “Don’t worry about that. I would have fed you either way. But you have to understand, I have promises of my own to keep.” I patted my shoulder bag. “See this? It’s full of messages for Helgen, Riverwood, and Whiterun. People are depending on me.” People paid me, too, though I didn’t mention it.

“If you can’t help me, I guess I can go alone,” said Miki. “I’ve made it this far.” She tried to sound defiant, but it wasn’t working.

“Miki, I’ve never even been to Riften. But people tell me it’s no easy trip. There’s a lot between here and there that could kill you.” I’d never been much further east than Whiterun, but from the stories the guards told me, I didn’t relish the idea. “Have you ever seen a frostbite spider? They’re as big as horses and spit their venom. One hit will freeze you solid!” Or so I’d been told, not that I wanted to find out for myself.

Miki stood up and wrapped her cloak around her shoulders. “I’m sure it’s all as you say, but it still doesn’t leave me with any choice. I have to go.” She began walking east toward Helgen.

I could think of no reason why I should obligate myself to a stranger. What grounds did I have to abandon my duties, my livelihood, for a journey we might not even live through? It was hard enough just looking out for myself. But as I watched Miki, I realized she might not make it much further than Whiterun, even with that power she had. How could I have that on my conscience?

“Miki,” I called. She stopped and turned toward me. “Do you mind if we make a few stops on the way?”

**Conflagration**

* * *

It took most of the day walking through wooded hills to reach Helgen, and the sun was low in the sky when I presented my messages to the gate guards. As usual, the guards gave me a few coins and some bread for my troubles, but they were a little shocked that I wouldn’t be returning any time soon. “Riften? That’s a tough trip even for a strong man,” one of them told me. I promised to be careful.

Miki waited for me a short distance from the gate. “Won’t they let us in?” she asked as I handed her another roll.

“They aren’t letting anyone in except soldiers and workers. They’re still cleaning out the wreckage, even after two years. We can camp close by, though.”

We selected a fairly flat place a short distance from the gate to build our fire. That way, we wouldn’t be too far from the guards if any trouble came our way. I had arranged some dead wood in front of us and was trying to strike my flint on some tinder when Miki produced a handful of twigs. “Allow me,” she said. She had the fire going in no time.

The sun was setting. Miki was leaning against a tree, her cape wrapped around her shoulders, and her eyes closed. “Asleep already?” I asked.

“Just resting a little,” she said. She leaned forward. “Was it really a dragon that burned Helgen?”

“What do you mean? Of course it was. What kind of question is that?”

“I don’t mean it like that,” she said, a little defensively. “But we were far, far away when it happened, and you know how news changes the further it travels.”

“Well, take it from me,” I said. “I was there. Not far from where we’re sitting now, in fact.”

“You saw it?” Miki exclaimed. “That must have been horrifying.”

She was right about that. It’s hard to think about even now. I’d only been a messenger for a little over a year when it happened. I was outside the town, approaching the south gate, when the dragon appeared. I couldn’t imagine what the beast was. My mind was comparing it with every creature I’d ever seen, but I couldn’t place it. When it finally dawned on me what I was seeing, it had already set half the town on fire. That was scary enough. What was worse was the screaming of an entire town being roasted alive. Then came the smell, but I won’t describe that.

“Did no-one escape?” Miki asked.

“I heard a few did,” I replied. “I only saw one, though, a young woman only a few years older than me. And she might not have even been in the town when it happened. She was maybe two hundred paces from the gate, kneeling in the dirt, so I thought I’d better check to see if she needed help. ‘Frokken,’ I called, but she didn’t answer. Finally, she got up and started walking south, toward the main road. I ran after her. ‘Frokken!‘ I called again, and she turned to look at me. Or maybe behind me or through me. I couldn’t really tell. I handed her my water skin, she took a drink, and then she handed it back to me, staring at nothing the whole time.

“After that, she started walking again. She looked like she might be headed to Riverwood, so I went with her. She didn’t say a word, but after an hour or so, I could see her crying, very quietly. I reached out and took her hand, and we walked like that, all the way to Riverwood.”

“Why?” Miki asked.

“Why what?”

“Why did you take her hand?”

“It’s hard to say,” I replied. “Maybe I didn’t like seeing her in pain. Maybe she reminded me of my sister somehow. And I was going to Riverwood anyway.”

“Do you know what happened to her?” Miki asked.

“No,” I said. “I took her into the local tavern and got her to sit down while I went to the guardhouse to let them know what happened and to deliver my messages. When I came back, I couldn’t find her.”

“That’s so sad!”

“I guess it is,” I said, “but back in those days, everybody seemed to be on the run, headed somewhere, or headed away from somewhere.” I pointed to myself. “That went for me, too.”

I considered explaining further, but I could see Miki yawning. The sun had gone down, and it was time to get some rest. “We’re going to pass through Riverwood tomorrow,” I said, “and we’ll stop for the night in Whiterun. We can talk more in the morning.” Miki didn’t answer; she’d wrapped her cape around herself and lay down on the grass. I watched her sleep for a moment, then did the same.


	2. Orphan's Lives and Living Lanterns

**Troubled Times**

* * *

“So, do I get to hear your story?” asked Miki. We were walking downhill, occasionally shielding our eyes against the morning sun. Late summer lasts a long time in Skyrim, and it was still a fine morning for traveling. From Helgen to Riverwood is half a day’s journey, mostly easy, toward the White River. Coming back the other way is a little harder.

“What story is that?” I replied.

“You know, your story. You said it’s a long one.”

“You mean, how I got here, and all that?” Miki nodded. “It’s not something I usually talk about,” I said. “Out here, people don’t usually ask things like that.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” said Miki.

“Oh, I didn’t think you did,” I said quickly, “but it’s just kind of strange, talking about it.” Strange, maybe, but I didn’t see how it could hurt, and Miki seemed like she really wanted to know. “Since I’m on my own, you’ve probably guessed I’m an orphan, right?”

“Yes, I guessed that,” replied Miki.

“It’s been a few years now, I suppose. I grew up on a farm near Rorkistead. Mostly it was pretty peaceful, until the war started heating up. I was the only child they had, after my younger sister died a couple winters before the war found us.”

“That was the sister you mentioned last night?”

“Yes,” I said. “One winter, she took a cold, and it got into her chest. A healer visited our farm and rubbed some salve on her, but it didn’t help much. When she died, the ground was too hard to dig a grave, so some holy folks from Whiterun came and took her away.” I don’t know what you call holy people. Priests or something, I guess. “They tried to say nice words to me and my parents, but I don’t remember feeling any better.”

Miki frowned. My talk seemed to bother her more than it did me. But she wanted me to continue. “Then the war?” she asked.

“The war,” I said. “Most of us tried to stay out of it as best we could. My papa told me that in wars, people would do the worst things to each other you could think of, but they’d still think they were in the right. I learned all about that.”

“What do you mean?” asked Miki, “That is, if you can still talk about it.”

I fought back a lump in my throat; I was letting myself remember things I’d tried to forget. “I’m alright,” I said. “We tried to stay out of the war, but the war came to us anyway.” I told her about the riders, about Papa hiding me in the barn cellar, ordering me to stay down there until he came for me. I told her about the screams and scuffling above me, and what I saw when I finally dared to leave the cellar. “The house was still burning,” I said, “and they ransacked the barn.”

“Did you find your –“

“Yes,” I said. “Both of them. I really don’t want to talk about that.”

Miki looked like she was about to cry. I’d upset her. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean –“

“No, I’m alright,” said Miki. “If you don’t want to continue, I won’t ask you to.”

“Maybe I’d better finish, then,” I said. “Maybe it will help me to talk about it.” I told Miki how I’d grabbed what I could from the barn, then ran to the Frostfruit Inn at Rorikstead to find some help. “I thought somebody there would know what to do, since we’d been there often enough. But when I got there, the innkeeper said, ‘Aren’t you Soren and Gretel’s boy? You’ve got to get out of here!’ He told me that riders had come through town, looking for me. They told everyone in town that my parents were traitors, and that made their families traitors, and if they caught anyone hiding the son of traitors, then the whole town was guilty of treason.”

“These riders,” asked Miki, “who were they?”

“That’s the thing. Nobody knew. Nobody recognized them. Bandits aren’t usually that vicious. Imperials and Stormcloaks usually wore uniforms. And the Thalmor? They never tried to hide who they were, either. Maybe that’s what scared everybody so badly, not knowing who was attacking you, or who was next.”

“Did you ever find out?”

“No, I never did, and nobody else wanted to find out, ether. A few people in Rorikstead gave me some supplies, but then they sent me on my way.” Those supplies kept me going for two or three days, staying away from roads, traveling in the dark, barely sleeping.

**Orphans’ Lives**

* * *

We came to a place called the Guardian Stones, about halfway between Helgen and Riverwood. If you’ve never been there, the Guardian Stones are three ancient monoliths set into a kind of stone platform, arranged in a triangle, sitting at the bottom of a hill close to the south bank of the White River. Each of the stones has carvings representing some kind of power, which I don’t understand. They’re also supposed to be magical, though I’ve never noticed anything. But they also represent a nice, dry place to rest, which is what Miki and I decided to do.

I tossed Miki a roll, and we sat in silence for a few minutes, resting against the stones and eating. After Miki finished, she asked, “How many of you are there? Orphans, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’d guess a lot. The war broke up a lot of families.”

“What happens to them?”

“Lots of things. A few of them move in with relatives or other families, I suppose. But a lot of them have nowhere to go. Some of them become beggars. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them wound up in bandit gangs. Some of them just disappear – starve, freeze to death, killed by animals or other people, things like that. I remember a girl up in Whiterun who used to wait around near the temple. Lucia was a really nice girl; I used to share food with her sometimes. Not long ago, I was back up there delivering messages and I couldn’t find her. People told me she’d gone to live with the Dragonborn’s family. Dragonborn? What nonsense. They might as well have told me she'd gone to live with the Emperor! Lucia was gone, and nobody wanted to tell me the truth about it. I don’t know why. People dying isn’t exactly news to me.”

Miki looked extremely troubled; her lip was trembling. “Are there really no places for orphans to go?”

“Another boy once told me about an orphanage, in Riften, as a matter of fact. He told me it was a terrible place. The lady who ran it was really cruel, he said, as if she wanted to punish orphaned kids just for being orphaned. I wanted no part of that.”

“But you survived, somehow.”

“I was one of the lucky ones,” I said. “If you can call it that. Two or three days after leaving Rorikstead, I found myself at Lake Illinalta. I was really hungry, and I spotted an old man fishing on the shore. I thought I could sneak up on him and steal his food, but he caught me easily. Here’s the surprising part: Instead of beating me or chasing me off, he took pity on me. He gave me some of his food, and offered to let me stay with him.”

Miki smiled at that. “Lady Mara blessed you both!” she said.

While I knew who Lady Mara was supposed to be, I’d never really thought about her. I wasn’t about to argue any of this with Miki, though. “Maybe so,” I said, “or maybe the old fellow liked the company. Either way, that’s how I kept going.”

“So what happened to him?”

“His name was Jochem. Since I thought the men who killed my parents might still be looking for me, I told him my name was Jot, after what my mother called me when I was small. I stayed with him for a few months, learning all about how to survive in the countryside, hunting, fishing, setting snares, avoiding danger, and so forth. He’d challenge me, saying things like, ‘what we eat tonight depends on you.’ That made me pay attention to my lessons, and I usually managed to find or catch something.” I paused for a minute, thinking about Jochem. Remembering him made me smile. “Eventually, he told me he had to return to his homeland, down south somewhere. Not long after that, the guard captain in Falkreath offered me money to take messages over to Helgen for him. That was before the dragon attack, of course. With what Jochem taught me, I managed without too much trouble. Anyway, that was how I got started with what I’m doing now.”

“So Lady Mara blessed you twice!” said Miki.

I smiled and nodded, though I thought “blessings of Lady Mara” was a fancy way of saying “lucky.”

**Riverwood and River Run!**

* * *

We reached Riverwood late in the morning, entering through the west gate. As we passed the blacksmith’s house on our left, two men holding tankards waved to me from the porch. I waved back. “Raloff and Hadvar,” I explained, “both grew up here. They were on opposite sides during the war, but they’re much happier now.”

“Can people really stop hating each other like that?” asked Miki.

“I think most people were just tired of fighting,” I said. I told her about the time, right after the war ended, when I was walking southwest out of Whiterun and spotted an Imperial patrol and a Stormcloak patrol approaching from opposite directions, maybe half a dozen men in each. I found a place to hide just in case there was trouble. When the patrols met, the men stared, sizing each other up, for quite some time. After a while, the Imperial commander slowly pulled out his sword and dropped it on the ground. The Stormcloak commander did the same. Then the Imperial commander reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle, and yelled something at the Stormcloak commander. The Stormcloak pulled out a bottle as well, and yelled something back. Suddenly, all the swords were on the ground, and everyone held a bottle! After that, they quit being soldiers and started being friends again.

I don’t think they moved from that spot all day.

“Lady Mara blessed all of them!” exclaimed Miki.

Possibly, I thought, though I wondered if we had a god of drunks. I didn’t bother asking Miki that.

Across from the blacksmith’s house stood the Sleeping Giant Inn, which we entered to drop off some letters for the townspeople. “Is this the place you took that young woman you told me about?” asked Miki.

I nodded. “People know me here. We should be able to buy some more food for the trip.” Inside, I greeted Orgnar, who ran the place after the previous owner, a lady named Delphine, suddenly left. He took the letters, gave me a few coins, and promised to deliver the letters when the recipients arrived to collect them. He got some of those coins back when I bought enough food to last us a couple more days. I found Miki resting on a bench at the opposite end of the inn, and sat with her a few moments before I led her back out. Dorthe, the blacksmith’s daughter, a little younger than me, spotted us as we walked out. I waved at her, and she waved back, though I think she scowled a little when she saw Miki!

The guardhouse at the east gate was our last stop in Riverwood. Miki remained in the background while I delivered official messages. The sergeant there greeted me warmly, but I was surprised by what he had to say. “Did you hear about the demon woman? The news is all over Whiterun Hold. Burned half of Falkreath down, she did! We’ve been told to keep our eyes open. There’s a big reward for anyone who catches her, but I don’t know what good a reward will do me if I get cooked!”

I saw Miki’s eyes go wide as I tried to figure out what to say. I finally decided a tall tale would work best. “Oh, yes! I saw her myself! You’re right, you don’t want to tangle with her. Tall as two men, she was. Last I saw, she was headed west, so it’s probably Markarth’s worry more than Whiterun’s. “

The sergeant looked relieved. “Well, I’ll let them collect the reward, then. If they can!”

We didn’t exactly sprint all the way to Whiterun, but we didn’t waste any time, either.

**The Living Lantern**

* * *

I didn’t want to take Miki into Whiterun with me. News travels faster than you’d think in Skyrim, especially if the Olafsons had moved there as Bruno in Falkreath thought. Instead, I left her with my friend Ri’saad the Khajiit trader with his caravan outside the city gates. Inside Whiterun it was business as usual: personal letters at the Bannered Mare tavern and official messages at the guard house. Fru Hulda at the Bannered Mare said something that bothered me – she claimed she’d heard from Lucia, and that she was doing well! I wanted to tell her not to bother with stories like that. We both knew the truth, and I really didn’t need it kept from me. Maybe she was trying to protect me somehow, as if I didn’t already know what happens to orphans in Skyrim. In the end, I just nodded and said nothing.

Olli, the sergeant at the gate house that afternoon, had better news. He told me that while the journey to Riften was difficult, it wasn’t impossible, and he even drew me a map showing the best routes to take and areas we needed to avoid. He also said he would be traveling there himself in a few days, as Whiterun and Riften had started trading guards back and forth to share knowledge and training. “But look out for those frostbite spiders!” he warned. I shivered a little and promised to be careful.

Back at the Khajiit camp, I found that Miki enjoying her new friends. “Look what they gave me!” she said excitedly. “A small tent for our trip!”

“Great!” I replied. “We can really use that.” I turned to Ri’saad. “How much?”

“There is no charge,” purred Ri’saad. “It is our gift to you. Your friend has undertaken a noble mission. We ask only that you remain ready to aid her at all times.”

“Don’t worry, Ri’saad,” I said. “I will.”

“Then may your road lead to warm sands,” Ri’saad concluded. And with that, we bid Ri’saad a respectful farewell.

It was late afternoon when we left Whiterun, Miki carrying the canvas tent and me the poles and stakes. We were a short distance east of town when we decided to set up camp. Miki set about assembling the tent while I went off in search of some firewood. I managed to collect a reasonable bundle in a short time, but I soon felt that something was wrong. I was being tracked again – I could hear it before I saw it, a faint rustle in the grass, the sound of panting.

_Wolves._

I edged slowly back to Miki, trying to look in all directions at once. “Stay behind me,” I said. “We’ve got company.” I dropped the wood and unsheathed my knife. I don’t know about other places, but wolves in Skyrim are aggressive. If you can convince wolves that you’re more powerful than they are, you can scare them off, but I didn’t think one boy and a very skinny girl were going to frighten them too much. Eventually, I saw them, a pair of large greys, moving toward us, unafraid. I held my knife in front of me, ready to raise it if the wolves sprang. They began to move faster, snarling, preparing to leap at us when suddenly their eyes went wide. Their snarls became whines as they suddenly turned tail and ran. What was that all about? I turned around to find Miki, and gasped.

Behind me, glowing brighter than a full moon was Miki. Taller than two men she was, and poised to attack!

Then just as suddenly, she was skinny little Miki again, leaning over with her hands on her thighs, gasping. “They won’t be back,” she panted as I ran to her. “That one took a little out of me!”

I put my arm around her shoulder to steady her. “Is that an In-Between Elf trick?” I asked.

She nodded. “With some animals, it even works in the daytime. I guess they can see things we can’t.”

I finished assembling the tent. “You just sit here and rest. I’ll get the fire going.” Miki started to get up. “No, I’ll just use my flint. Sit down,” I said. And after a few tries, I did get the kindling to catch.

I watched Miki for a while in the firelight. “That was a pretty good trick,” I said. “Got any others?”

“How about this one?” Miki said, standing. I tried to stop her. “Don’t worry,” she said. “This is an easy one.” I followed her a few steps from the fire, and watched as she raised her right hand. A pale glow formed around her fingers, which gradually brightened. I watched in wonder as tiny flashes of light appeared around her hand. Fireflies, I realized, dozens of them attracted to her glowing hand, like a living lantern in front of her.

“It’s beautiful,” I said. “But what is it for?”

“Just to look at,” Miki giggled. “Does everything have to have a purpose?”

**Lady Mara Calls You**

* * *

Our trip really began the next day. From what Olli told me, we would only pass one real settlement between Whiterun and the outskirts of Riften. It would be a long day’s journey to Darkwater Crossing, and after that, at least another two days of wilderness before we finally reached anything like civilization. I was glad we had a map. We followed the White River as far as we could, then turned east. The landscape changed as we traveled. The land was flatter, and didn’t seem as fertile as the countryside I knew. The road we walked changed from well-kept stone to a rocky path under our feet. I saw less wildlife, and fewer trees. Food, I thought, might be a challenge. We could only carry a couple days’ worth at a time, and while I wasn’t too worried about myself, I was concerned about Miki. For some reason, she didn’t seem that strong. I guess all her traveling and what magic she had really did take a lot out of her.

Some people imagine traveling the wilderness as something violent, with bandits and fierce wild animals at every turn. In fact, it’s rather dull. You have to be alert, of course, but most of the time, you can avoid trouble pretty easily. All of this gave Miki and me plenty of time to talk. Since I’d spent the day before telling her my story, I asked her to tell me hers. “You remember me speaking of Lady Mara, right?” she asked. “I guess Lady Mara is where my story really begins, and why we’re here,” she concluded.

“Understand I don’t envy you at all,” said Miki, “after hearing what you’ve been through. But when you told me about your family I realized that I had no memory of mine. That’s a fact of life we In-Betweens in the Somerset Isles have to live with.”

In-Between Elves, Miki explained, were a group that really didn’t fit anywhere in Altmer society. Among the ruling Thalmor, they were the lowest of the low – the servants with the worst jobs, hired, traded, and thrown aside by the upper class families. Miki told me the Altmeris word for their caste, but I couldn’t pronounce it. It meant something like “those who obey.”

“That sounds like slavery,” I noted. “I didn’t know the Thalmor did that.”

“They’ll insist they don’t,” said Miki. “And they’ll make a big show of paying you a pittance, far less than you could live on, which keeps you dependent on them. And that’s if you’re grown up. If you’re a child, they don’t pay you at all.” Miki described how she spent most of her early years working in kitchens, barns, or cellars of wealthy households. “And all this time, they were telling me how grateful I should be.”

“So what brought you out here, then?” I asked. “Did you escape or something?”

“No,” Miki said. “That’s where Lady Mara comes in. When I was eleven, I began working in the household of Thalmor Lord Iceni. He was a widower with four children. He never told me he was kind or that I should be grateful to him. He simply was kind, and for that I am grateful. Instead of working in the barn or the cellar, he asked me to look after his younger children. I slept in a soft bed, had plenty to eat, and even received new clothes!”

“So why did you leave?”

“Well, my Lord followed the teachings of Lady Mara. He was very serious about it, studying every night, and making sure his children understood Lady Mara’s command to love one another, servant and master alike. He never tried to hide his devotion from other Thalmor families either, and some even began wondering if they needed to change how they lived and ruled.”

“I’ll bet he wasn’t too popular with the Thalmor in charge, though,” I suggested.

“No, the Thalmor elite considered him dangerous and tried to shut him up. About a year ago, he sent his two eldest children, a son and a daughter, out of the country. Two months ago, we had to flee Iceni Manor, and soon after that my Lord gave me the letter I’m to take to Riften.”

“Do you know what happened to him?”

Miki looked downcast. “No,” she said. “He didn’t tell me where he was going, or where he was sending his youngest daughters. I have no idea where he is.” She closed her eyes, but not before I saw a tear fall. “Or even if he’s still alive.”

It was late afternoon, and we had just crossed the bridge leading to the Darkwater Crossing settlement, if three houses count as a settlement. We set up camp a little to the west, and decided rest a little before finding food. Sitting close to our small fire, Miki looked awfully worn out. “How long were you traveling? I mean, before we met,” I asked her.

“I don’t know for sure,” she replied. “Quite a few days, I guess.”

“Where did you start from?”

“After sailing from the Summerset Isles, my Lord, the girls, and I landed not too far from Anvil, I think. Then we continued overland along a river, the Brena, someone told me. We rode in a wagon part of the way – my Lord seemed to know the driver. We stayed in a house near Chorrol for a few days, but my Lord must have sensed trouble coming, because he gave me this letter and sent me on my way. I came on foot from there.”

“That’s a long way,” I said. We sat quietly for a few minutes. “What’s in this letter you’re delivering?” I asked. “Do you know?”

“It’s sealed,” Miki answered. “I don’t know. And I won’t look.”

“I hope it’s worth it,” I said, and instantly wished I hadn’t.

“Of course it’s worth it!” Miki was offended. “Lord Iceni loved me! It’s the least I could do to keep faith with him. Lady Mara blessed me with him, and he said the same of me!”

I tried to back away from what I said, but it didn’t work. “That’s not what I meant, really.”

“Then what do you mean?” Miki went from offended to angry. “Lady Mara commands us to love each other. That means keeping faith and honoring promises. Don’t you see?”

I should have simply said I understood, but all this Lady Mara talk was starting to get to me. Opening my mouth again didn’t help. “Blessings of Lady Mara? Some of those might have been nice. Maybe when my sister got sick and died, and the ground was too frozen to dig a proper grave. Maybe when strangers killed my parents and burned my home. Maybe when my friend Lucia froze to death and nobody will even tell me the truth about it! What’s your Lady Mara going to say to me then? ‘Sorry, son?’”

Miki stood up, furious. “Haven’t you even been listening?” Her words came out in a choked scream, which quickly turned into sobs. I got up and tried to apologize. She turned her back to me. “Just go away. Go find us some food or something. I don’t want to talk to you.”

Having little choice, I walked toward the settlement to see if anyone had anything to trade. I managed to buy only a couple rolls. Nobody wanted to part with much. While I couldn’t really blame them, we were starting to run low, and we still had at least a couple days to go.

I had hoped that Miki would be more willing to accept my apology by the time I returned, but she wasn’t standing where I left her. She wasn’t by the fire, and she wasn’t inside the tent, either. In fact, she wasn’t around the camp at all.

_Miki was gone._


	3. Mementos and Vows

**What Can You Do? What Can You Give?**

* * *

I ran in a wide circle around our campsite. Miki was nowhere to be found. Where could she have gone? I couldn’t imagine her turning back to Whiterun, not when we’d come this far. But in the gathering dark, I didn’t think she would press ahead on her own, either.

Would she? I was angry with myself; how could I let her run off on her own like that? Then it dawned on me: Miki would do what she wanted. She certainly didn’t need my permission.

I ran back across the Darkwater Crossing bridge toward the main path. Even if Miki had tried to move on toward Riften, she couldn’t have gone far, but with the sun going down, she might not be easy to find. As it was, I spent what felt like forever (but probably wasn’t more than a few moments) heading east in a cold, scared sweat before I spotted a soft glow up ahead. As I drew closer, I recognized Miki, surrounded once again by her fireflies. I was almost close enough to touch her when she finally noticed.

“It’s worth it, believe me,” she said softly. The fireflies barely lit up her face in the dark, but I could tell she’s been crying. “How can I make you see?”

“Maybe I don’t know what to look for.” I tried to put my arm around Miki, but was afraid she’d pull away from me. To my surprise, she turned toward me and rested her head against my shoulder. I recalled the last person who acted that way: my little sister, a long time ago. And as I pulled Miki close to me, I started to realize, maybe just a little, what she was trying to say.

“It’s not a matter of what we can get, Jot,” she said softly. “Lady Mara wants us to love each other. It’s a matter of what we can do, what we can give, what kindness we can show.” She released a quiet sob, but in my arms, I felt her relax slightly. “You and I both know bad things happen, but we still have to try to love one another, to be kind. The love’s the important thing, Jot. All the love we can muster.”

“I guess I can try,” I said.

“Of course you can,” said Miki, smiling weakly, “I’ve seen you do it.” I hugged her, then, quietly, we headed back to our camp. The fireflies dispersed to wherever fireflies go.

**The Knife and the Brooch**

* * *

The next day we headed northeast. As we walked, the landscape started changing once again, more trees, more foliage. Once we passed Northwind Mountain, we would turn south. One more long day, I thought, and maybe most of another, and we should be close to Riften. That was a comfort, since we only had two rolls and a couple apples left to eat. I hoped we could find or trap something along the way. We kept a decent pace, though, until about midday, when the sky became cloudier. I kept my eyes open for a place to set up the tent if bad weather set in, and it was the middle of the afternoon when the wind picked up and I felt rain drops. We located a small rocky outcropping near the path and after we pitched the tent on the downwind side, we crawled inside to wait out the weather.

With the front flap of the tent open to let in a little light, I took out my whetstone and set to work sharpening my hunting knife. Miki watched with interest. “Where did you get that?” she asked.

“Oh, I’ve had this since I was little. I managed to take it with me when, well, you know.”

“What is it for?” she asked.

“All kinds of things,” I answered. “Cutting branches, skinning animals, that sort of thing.”

“Have you ever used it to defend yourself?”

“Once or twice, maybe, to fend off wolves.”

“Anything else?”

I knew what she was wondering about. “No,” I said, “I’ve never used this knife on another person.” The main way to deal with bandits, I explained, was to know where their hideouts were and avoid them. The closest I came to an actual fight was the previous winter, when two older boys cornered me, demanding whatever I was carrying. I pulled my knife on them, but they wound up pushing me face first into a snow drift and went through my bag, making off with my food and what little gold I had. One of them yelled, “Take his knife! Take his knife!” But the other told him to leave it. “He’ll be needing that, and it’s only fair,” he said. They were long gone before I was able to stand up.

“So no hard feelings,” I told Miki. She raised her eyebrow but said nothing. “Is that one of those kindnesses you were talking about?” I asked.

“No, those were thieves,” she said.

“Anyway,” I said, “I guess this knife is about the only thing I’ve kept the whole time I’ve been out here. My clothes, my bag, my boots: all those I’ve made or bought over the last three years. But the knife? That’s original.”

We were quiet for a while, watching the rain. Then I asked, “How about you, Miki? Do you have anything like that?”

“You mean, like a keepsake?” I nodded. “Well,” she said, reaching into a pocket, “I have this.” In her hand was a piece of jewelry, the kind they call a brooch. It was oval-shaped, maybe half the size of my hand, made of some kind of tile and surrounded by a metal frame. What struck me was picture of the young girl etched on the face. I looked at Miki, then at the brooch – an amazing likeness!

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Miki said. “My Lord had one made for each of his children, and he said that I should have one as well. A jeweler near Iceni manor made them, and I suppose they cost a lot.” There was a pin on the back, so she could fasten it to her dress or keep her cape closed. “But I’m afraid to lose it,” Miki said, “so I pinned it inside my pocket to keep it safe.”

“It’s very nice,” I said. “Lord Iceni really cared about you, didn’t he?” I handed the brooch back to her.

“I said so, didn’t I?” Miki returned the brooch to her pocket. “Before all this trouble started, he told me he would see to it that I would never have to return to the life I’d left, even if that meant sending me abroad or paying my dowry!”

Miki really had left a lot behind, I thought, which made me feel even worse about snapping at her the night before. When I told her that, Miki decided it was time to console me. “You couldn’t have known,” she said. “And I had no right to accuse you of not understanding. Lady Mara has worked through you, too, in the kindness you’ve shown others. And to me.” She took me by the hand. “And I want you to know I’m thankful for it,” she said. Her hand felt warm. I guess I blushed, though there was no way to tell in the dark tent. By then, the rain had stopped, but it was too late to continue on. We split a single roll and a single apple, and settled into a fitful sleep.

**The Final Steps**

* * *

While I was fairly used to walking day after day, Miki’s long journey had taken its toll. Not having a fire last night made it difficult to rest, and the lack of food hadn’t helped her, either. The next morning, I made her eat the last of our food herself, insisting that we would be able to find more as we traveled. And while it turned out to be a beautiful, sunny morning, Miki needed more rest stops than before. It wasn’t just being hungry, I realized. Her magic must be tiring her out more than I thought.

By late morning, she was ready to admit it. We were resting against the trunk of a wide, shady tree. “I thought I would be alright,” she gasped, “but it’s true. Using my magic, especially the really big acts, costs me a lot. If I’m able to rest and eat enough it’s not a problem, but it’s been many days since I’ve been able to do either.”

“It’s not much further now,” I said. “We should be there by sunset, or not much later than that, anyway.” I didn’t doubt Miki had the will to continue. I just hoped she had the energy.

“Jot,” Miki said. “I know you’ll do everything you can to get us to Riften. But if I can’t go on, promise me two things.”

“We’ll make it, Miki.”

“Promise me, Jot!”

“I’ll promise, Miki. Just tell me.”

“First,” Miki said, “make sure the letter my Lord entrusted to me gets to the Priestess of Mara in Riften.”

“Of course, Miki. But you said two things. What’s the other?”

“That you don’t forget me.” She pressed something into the palm of my hand. “Here,” she said. “Keep it safe for me.”

I tried to hand her brooch back to her, but she waved me away. “I’ll give it back to you in Riften,” I said. “After we’ve had a huge feast!”

We struggled on into midday. Most of the way, Miki leaned on me. We were definitely on the road to Riften, but by early afternoon, I was practically carrying her. I didn’t care. At that point, I was determined we’d make it to Riften together no matter what. I was never so relieved to see buildings ahead of us, part of what turned out to be a mining village called Shor’s Stone. I was glad that the miners not only sold us bread and cheese, but allowed us to rest on their land while we ate. I told Miki not to eat too quickly, but it was plain the meal picked her spirits up.

Miki needed less help after that. We made good progress through the rest of the afternoon, and I thought we would reach Riften shortly after sunset. It really was a beautiful day. Around us, it became clear that summer would soon be over: trees were losing their leaves, and those that remained were fiery golds, reds, and oranges. We were following a southeastern path, which would take us past Fort Greenwall to our west. When we reached the fort, we would practically be at Riften.

We were just southeast of Fort Greenwall when it happened. To our right was a small hillock, which edged along the path we were following. To our left was a short expanse of open ground, with some rocky crags beyond. I was ahead, with Miki a few paces back. Once again, I heard it before I saw it – a kind of hissing, spitting sound and then some kind of a splattering just behind me, like a dropped wash rag. Looking to my left, I spotted it. The frostbite spider was about fifty paces away, on the left side of the road. I don’t really remember how big it was, but at the time, it looked the size of a horse! When the spider let loose again, I had just enough time to see Miki turn to look, and for me to push her out of the way of its latest volley.

I didn’t have time to get out of the way myself. The damned thing caught me square in the chest. I went down at Miki’s feet, and I heard her scream “No! NOOOO!” I managed to get back on my knees when Miki grabbed my knife and charged the monster herself! I could only watch as the spider tried to keep Miki in front of its fangs, but it wasn’t quick enough. I could see Miki stabbing at the spider’s side, and then I saw flames leaping around the beast’s legs and head.

Miki killed the spider herself, but it was only after the beast stopped moving that I realized I was in bad shape. I was on my knees, but couldn’t get my feet under me to stand. The base of the hillock we were next to had kind of an overhang. If it rained, you could probably keep dry there. Anyway, that’s where I sat down to figure out how bad things were while Miki staggered back to the hillock. I tried to open my leather vest, but pieces of it broke off in my hands. My chest felt like it was on fire, but the rest of me was freezing. I started shivering; I just couldn’t help it.

Miki reached me and knelt down. “If that was another In-Between Elf trick, you’ve really saved the best for last,” I gasped. I tried to laugh, but only managed a raspy cough.

“Jot! You’re hurt.” She sounded very frightened.

“Just let me rest for a little while,” I said, teeth chattering. “We’re almost there.”

“You need help, Jot!”

“Just make…make…” I couldn’t finish my thought.

**Moments**

* * *

I felt Miki sit down next to me, on my left, very close. She managed to pull away the rest of my vest and open up my tunic. Then I felt her wrap my cape around me. “All right, Jot,” I heard her say. “We’ll rest. You stuck by me all this way and I’ll stick by you.” She took my hand, and I started to feel a little warmer. “We’ll just sit here and rest.”

Somehow, I figured out what she was doing, and it worried me. “Miki,” I gasped.

“Shush,” Miki said, “I love you and you’re going to be well.”

“Love,” I tried to say, but I don’t know what I sounded like. “All the –” I coughed again.

“All the love we can muster,” Miki whispered, and when I felt her kiss my cheek, the pain and the cold started melting away from me. I felt like I was being carried like a baby, warm and safe, as I drifted off.

And then I was standing at our farm again in the middle of a bright, sunny day, only it wasn’t our farm. This one was much greener, and on it grew the finest oat crop I’d ever seen. Someone called me. “Jot! Is that you, boy?”

“Papa?” I couldn’t believe it. “Where are you?”

“Up by the house!” It was true, there he was, looking strong and fit as ever! And then I heard another voice: “Jot! Come play with me! Come play with me!”

“Heidi?” I cried, tears in my eyes. “Is that really you?” My sister, just like new. She waved me over to join her and Papa.

But for some reason, I couldn’t move. “All in good time,” a final voice said. My mother, always the sensible one. “Just not yet.” Heidi looked crestfallen, and Mama smiled at her. “But sometime,” she told her. “Sometime soon.” She looked back at me. “We’ll be together again. When the time comes.” I could see my mother, father, and sister saying farewell, but I couldn’t hear them anymore. And gradually, they, and the farm, faded from my sight.

When I awoke, it was morning, though I don’t know how long I’d been asleep. I saw Miki curled up to my left. I felt a lot better than I had the day before. I was sore, of course, but I felt none of the cold. My vest was completely ruined, but if it hadn’t been for the vest, I would have been killed instantly. And as for Miki, I couldn’t begin to describe what I owed her.

I hadn’t had many heroes growing up: my Papa, of course, and maybe Jochem, the fisherman who looked after me for a while. But killing a frostbite spider on her own, and then looking after me like that? I intended to tell Miki she was on that short list of people I admired most.

After what we’d been through, I wanted to let her sleep. She’d certainly earned it. But I thought we should start moving; Riften was close at hand, along with the prospect of proper rest and food. I gave her a nudge. “Miki,” I said. “Wake up. It’s time we got moving.”

“Miki, wake up, huh?”

“Miki?”

“Miki?”


	4. Farewells

**As Sparks Fly Upward**

* * *

We said farewell to Miki in the tradition of her people. In a clearing just east of Riften, workers had constructed a wooden bier, about as tall as me, upon which Miki’s body lay. Underneath were the makings of an enormous fire. It was evening; two days later, but I was hardly aware of time passing. What little I remember of the previous days is all jumbled together; I can’t recall exactly what happened when, or even if some things happened at all. I remember stumbling around, looking for help, then returning to Miki, hoping I’d made a mistake, and I’d find her sitting up, yawning, rubbing her eyes.

There was no mistake, though.

I’d known her for all of five days. And I’d failed her.

My next clear memory is of waking up in a bed. I was in a small room with wooden walls, lit by lanterns. Two men in armor were standing over me, while a tall Dunmer woman stood behind them, with an impatient look on her face. “Where’s Miki? What have you done with Miki?” I demanded. The men told me they would be asking the questions, and they had lots of them. It was only when Olli from Whiterun convinced the guards that I was a respectable Nord boy, that the guards were satisfied and left me alone. Olli had arrived on horseback only the day before. “I talked with the merchants outside Whiterun as I was leaving,” he said. “Tell me, was that girl the one everyone’s been talking about?”

“The demon woman?” I said. “Is that what you mean?” Olli nodded. “She’s no demon,” I insisted. “Or, wasn’t. I mean –“

“I know what you mean. And I’m really sorry, Jot.” As he left, he said, “For what it’s worth, I always thought that rumor was a load of horse manure.”

The impatient Dunmer woman introduced herself as Dinya Balu, the High Priestess of Mara, and told me I was lying on a bed in the Temple of Mara in Riften. She said I had been delirious when the guards found me, and wouldn’t permit them to speak to me until I’d rested. “Fortunately, we managed to get a little food into you,” she said. You don’t appear to have eaten much.”

“I haven’t,” I said. Then I remembered. “Miki had a letter. She said it had to get to you no matter what.”

“I have it. And it was very important. You are to be commended for helping Miki deliver it.”

“Some help I was!” I said angrily. “She died helping me. What could have been in that letter that made it worth Miki’s life?”

Fru Balu sighed and stared at the ceiling for a moment. “It’s not an easy thing to explain. Did Miki ever speak of her master?”

“Lord Iceni or something,” I said. “Some kind of big man with the Thalmor who had some unpopular ideas.”

“That’s partly correct,” said Fru Balu. “But you need to understand how important Lord Iceni’s work was in his homeland. He’s responsible for bringing Lady Mara’s message to the Summerset Isles, and our movement is growing rapidly there because of his efforts. Not only that, he made arrangements for dozens of In-Betweens, elves like Miki, to have new lives of freedom, without random cruelty or others looking down on them!”

I couldn’t argue with the good Lord Iceni had done helping people like Miki, and I told Fru Balu so. “But what was in the letter that made it so important? What did it say? ‘Everything’s going nicely?'”

“If only that were true,” said Fru Balu solemnly. “Surely Miki told you about sending his older children abroad, then fleeing the Summerset Isles with Miki and his younger children?”

I nodded, knowing that I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. “The letter,” Fru Balu said, “was meant for his elder son and daughter, telling them that they must now assume the mantle he carried. Now that the letter has reached me, I can deliver it to them.”

“But if that’s what the letter says, then that means –”

“Yes,” said Fru Balu. “Our sources in Cyrodiil tell us that Lord Iceni was assassinated seven days ago. He saw the end coming and sent Miki ahead with the letter as a precaution.”

I almost didn’t want to ask: “But what of his younger children? The ones Miki looked after?”

“As I understand, they are safe, though I don’t know where they are.”

So Miki really was playing a part in something important. But what was it? “So bringing Mara’s message to the Thalmor will do what? Get them to leave the Empire alone?”

“Lady Mara’s message has taken root among many important Thalmor, and they’re beginning to question their own policies. But that’s not even the point of Lady Mara’s teaching,” Fru Balu said.

I didn’t understand what Fru Balu meant until Miki’s funeral. Fru Balu’s husband Herr Maramal started the ceremony with a prayer I don’t remember while a small crowd looked on. Then Fru Balu began to speak. She talked about Miki as if she’d known her, and in a way, maybe she had. Miki, she said, was an elven girl born in troubled times, but had taken Lady Mara’s message to heart, even when love was hard to come by, and often dangerous to talk about. “Her devotion clearly shows us that Mara’s message of love is for everyone. Even here in Skyrim we celebrate destruction and conquest. Why? Aren’t building and healing more worthy of glory? And even among my ancestral people, suspicion and pride keep us from becoming what we could be. As we look into our own souls, let us think of how we could blossom if we managed to love each other!”

I had to admit it was a nice idea to think about. How to do it was another matter, but I wasn’t willing to argue with someone who was looking after me.

Following her speech, Fru Balu led everyone in a song I didn’t know, which continued as someone wearing a robe started the fire. Everyone joined in the song as the blaze gained strength. I watched the sparks fly upward; they reminded me of Miki’s fireflies. “Paradise welcome you, Miki,” I said softly. “You spent the last of your strength to save me and I still don’t quite understand why. I don’t know if In-Between Elves go to Sovngarde, or somewhere else. I hope it’s a place where it’s always summer and everyone shines as brightly as you did here.” I didn’t think my words were good enough for Miki, but they were all I could think of. After that, I remember making a small prayer. “Lady Mara, I think I know what you ask of us, but why does it have to hurt so bad?”

**Families**

* * *

Maybe two mornings later, I sat with Fru Balu in the temple office, where she told me it was time to move me into a more permanent home. I asked her what she had in mind, and she said that the Honorhall Orphanage had space for me, at least until something better turned up. “There?” I asked, a little afraid. “I’ve heard the worst things about that place!”

“Most of them were true, probably,” said Fru Balu. “But that’s in the past. Someone new is in charge of the orphanage now, someone who cares more about the boys and girls living there than anything else in our world. In fact, she’s at the temple this morning, and I’d like you to meet her.” She got up and admitted a younger woman, maybe a few years older than me. She was of medium height, and wore rather fancy clothes. Her dark hair was pulled back into a kind of bun, and she had a friendly smile. Somehow, she looked familiar. I stood to greet her.

“Young man, we meet again,” she said. Where had I met her? “I hope this time I can repay your kindness.”

“I don’t understand,” I confessed. “Where did we meet, Frokken, Fru –”

“My name is Astrid Atwater,” said the woman. “A long time ago, when the dragon burned Helgen, you shared your water and walked by my side all the way to Riverwood. While we lost sight of each other after that, I’ve never forgotten what you did for me. Priestess Balu has told me of your burden, and I would like to help you. Please say you’ll live with my children.”

“Lady Astrid has made many changes to the orphanage,” said Fru Balu.

“You are a noble?” I asked, standing up straighter.

“Not born,” Lady Astrid laughed. “Just made, and only recently. You see, I fought at the Dragonborn’s side, vanquishing the Dragons and helping the Empire and the Stormcloaks to stop fighting.”

I was astonished. “You know the Dragonborn?” I gasped.

“Indeed. We still visit occasionally. And one of the Dragonborn’s children has joined me in my work here. I’d like you to meet her.”

A young girl, about my age, entered the room. I would have recognized that reddish-blonde hair anywhere, but I still couldn’t believe my eyes. “Lucia!” I shouted.

“Jot!” Lucia screamed. We just stood there, staring at each other.

“I thought you were…I mean, everyone told me you’d moved away, and I thought they meant…”

“That I was dead? Well, here I am, flesh and blood!” And she was. Taller than I’d last seen her, and she’d put on some weight, which I was glad to see. Finally, she was getting enough to eat! “Did you really think I’d died?” she said softly.

“Everybody said you’d just moved on,” I replied. “I thought they were trying to protect me from the truth somehow, and I was ready to believe the worst, anyway.”

“You know, I’d always wondered what happened to you,” Lucia said, stepping toward me. “You were always so generous, sharing your food with me and all. I don’t know how I could repay you for that.”

“How about you just stand here in front of me, warm, alive,” I was choking up. I couldn’t help it. Finally, I broke down completely, and Lucia drew my head to her shoulder.

“Oh, Jot,” she said softly, and than began crying herself.

Fru Balu interrupted. “Let me bring you your things.” She brought out a small bundle containing my bag, plus a set of clothes to replace what I lost north of Riften. On top of the bundle was Miki’s brooch. I picked it up and gazed at it until my vision blurred up again. I didn’t want to speak, but managed to whisper my thanks to Fru Balu, and left with Lady Astrid and Lucia.

I lived at Honorhall Orphanage for about a year. Lady Astrid was true to her word; it really was a pleasant place, considering why we were all there. While the old assistant caretaker, Constance Michel, stayed in charge of the place, I helped Lucia look after the younger children, playing games, assigning chores, settling disputes. Lucia told me Lady Astrid’s story. She was an orphan like us, Lucia explained, brought up in an abbey down south somewhere, but was forced to flee before she was quite grown up. After she made her way to Helgen, she lived with an innkeeper and her husband, only to lose them when the dragon burned the town. “She was determined that no child should suffer as she did,” said Lucia, “so she used her new fortune to do something about it.”

Whatever Lady Astrid was doing, it was working. The children seemed to be happy enough, and while Lady Astrid didn’t live at the orphanage, she visited often. And as for me, I did well. I put on quite a bit of weight. It felt strange not having to scrimp and save for a scrap of food! It felt even stranger sleeping in a bed instead of in a stable or on the ground. There was a small nightstand next to my bed, with a single drawer. I kept Miki’s brooch in there, taking it out every evening before I went to sleep, and looking at it for a long time. Sometimes I’d talk to her. I don’t know if she ever heard me, but it didn’t stop me missing her, or feeling that I’d let her down.

Of course, I was getting older, and a Nord boy has to make his way in the world. I really didn’t want to go back to carrying messages, so I considered myself very lucky to be apprenticed to a shoemaker in Riften named Gunnar. Since his son had gone off to sea, he was happy to have someone to help in his shop and to pass his skills to. I found out I liked making shoes, and got pretty good at it, too. Gunnar’s wife, Ingrid, treated me like a son. While my own mother taught me a little about reading and writing when I was younger, Fru Ingrid made sure I had a lot more practice. It’s because of her I’m able to write this account now.

**There’s Always Room for More**

* * *

And now? After a few years of practice, my master Gunnar is content to let me run the shop most of the time. Our business thrives, and when customers come into the shop, I greet them happily. They don’t ask about the brooch fastened to the wall above my bench. I don’t suppose they notice it. That doesn’t bother me, as it would take a long time to explain. Gunnar and Ingrid nag me occasionally. They say that since I’ve passed my twentieth year, it’s time I thought about courting. Lucia, for her part, has stayed on at the orphanage, and has made it clear that if I wanted to start courting somebody, she wants to be the somebody I start courting.

I don’t want to forget Miki, though. I feel as if she’s standing behind me, looking over my shoulder sometimes. I’ve been feeling that way a lot lately. But just this evening, before I sat down to write this, I went outside to watch the sun set over Lake Honrich. Leaning against the rail by the fishery, I thought about my family, our farm, Jochem, my friends in the towns I worked in. I thought about Dorthe, Lucia, Lady Astrid. And I thought about Miki. Her presence felt stronger than ever, like when she held my hand or kissed my cheek. Then, one by one, little points of light began appearing in front of me. Their numbers grew until there were dozens of fireflies, looping in circles over my head and around my body, like a living lantern all around me. It was then I understood: Miki was still with me, wherever she was, no matter what.

So maybe it’s time to let myself be happy. Maybe I’ll talk to Fru Ingrid about playing chaperone while Lucia and I row around Lake Honrich; I can just imagine her saying, “it’s about time!” Love isn’t something you have to ration, like food was in my younger years. There’s plenty to go around, and always room for more.

There’s no need for me to find that land down south, no matter how pleasant it is. Nothing can wash away these memories, good or bad, and I’m not even going to try. And Miki, if you were able to act out of love even when your life was at its bleakest, it’s the least I can do to attempt the same. I learned that much. So it’s to you I dedicate this account.

With all the love I can muster,

**Simon Sorenson**

**Hearthfire, 4E208**

* * *

**About the Illustrations**

The illustrations in this post are screenshots taken while playing [Skyrim, Special Edition](https://elderscrolls.bethesda.net/en/skyrim?) (SSE), and edited using [Paint.Net](https://www.getpaint.net/). My installation of SSE is pretty heavily modded (as most readers’ installs probably are!). The following mods are relevant to the screenshots:

  * The ENB preset that adds mood to the screenshots is **[PRT – PhotoRealistic Tamriel](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/4743)** by L00.
  * Weather effects were added via **[Dolomite Weathers – Natural Lighting Vivid Atmospherics II](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/7895) **by Dr Mega and Kojak747.
  * Jot and Miki were created using the Young Nord race, which is part of **[Enhanced Character Edit](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/12302/)** , (ECE) by the ECE team.
  * Teenage Lucia was also created in ECE using the Young Nord race. I tried to make her look like an older version of the Lucia in **[The Kids are Alright SE](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/9175),** by TriptheRift.



  * Jot’s and Miki’s hairstyles come from **[ApachiiSkyHair SSE](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/2014) **by Apachii.
  * Jot’s and Miki’s accessories come from **[Bandolier – Bags and Pouches Classic](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/2417) **by Dragten.
  * Miki's knife comes from [**The Unclaimed Delivery**](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/8646) by SkyrimForDaWin
  * Poses, when used, are from **[Simple Actions](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/10489)** by BralorMarr



If it looks like I missed something, please let me know so I can credit the modders properly!


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